John 5: 1-18

Every time I read about Jesus I'm attracted to Him; he's the best! Today I'm continuing on in my going through John. I want to know Jesus better, be about His business. So I figure reading through the gospels again is a good idea. Here's today's reading:

1-6Soon another Feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem.

Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there was a pool, in Hebrew called Bethesda, with five alcoves. Hundreds of sick people—blind, crippled, paralyzed—were in these alcoves. One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, "Do you want to get well?"

7The sick man said, "Sir, when the water is stirred, I don't have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in."

8-9Jesus said, "Get up, take your bedroll, start walking." The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bedroll and walked off.

9-10That day happened to be the Sabbath. The Jews stopped the healed man and said, "It's the Sabbath. You can't carry your bedroll around. It's against the rules."

11But he told them, "The man who made me well told me to. He said, 'Take your bedroll and start walking.'"

12-13They asked, "Who gave you the order to take it up and start walking?" But the healed man didn't know, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd.

14A little later Jesus found him in the Temple and said, "You look wonderful! You're well! Don't return to a sinning life or something worse might happen."

15-16The man went back and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well. That is why the Jews were out to get Jesus—because he did this kind of thing on the Sabbath.

17But Jesus defended himself. "My Father is working straight through, even on the Sabbath. So am I."

18That really set them off. The Jews were now not only out to expose him; they were out to kill him. Not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was calling God his own Father, putting himself on a level with God.

There are always so many things one can get out of any passage. Like, how come in verse 6 Jesus asked the man if He wanted to get well? I've heard some of my favorite preachers talk about this question; do we really want His wholeness in our lives?! But today what struck me was verses 15-17; specifically how Jesus responded that He was doing as His father would do. Jesus' priorities were not those of the religious people of His day. They were concerned about keeping religious rules and He was concerned about reaching out to people, helping them, healing them. The question comes to me - where are my priorities?

I'm reminded of what David said, recorded in Psalm 139:23-24:

Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

That's my prayer today too. May God search my heart and reveal if my priorities are right. As I pray this what comes to me is that I'm concerned about a lot of "right actions" and avoidance of "wrong actions" and God wants my heart. He wants me to be in communion with Him and looking for Him around me and seeing how He wants me to act toward people I come across. I believe He's showing me that I need to see the people in my day as there by divine appointment and to speak His words to them. Not to be so self centered and someplace else in my head; but to be present and in the moment with those around me.

Oh Father, I live so much of my life someplace else in my head. Please empower me to be present with those around me. Please help me hear Your voice and speak those words that You have for me. May I be about Your priorities.

Love

I want to continue to use the 1 Corinthians 13 definition of love as the basis for a self inventory. So, picking up where I left off yesterday:

Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
I had to think about pray about this one. I even looked it up in a couple of other translations paraphrases to see if it hit me differently because my initial reaction is that I hate for anyone to grovel, both NIV and Living translations put these two parts together - not liking groveling and be pleased in the truth. NKJ puts it this way: does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. I don't like groveling and do I love the truth; or do I? Do I like it when those I love speak the icky truths about me? Would I rather see them feel bad and apologize then say bad about me? If I'm really honest with myself I know that there are times when I don't want to hear bad about me, even if it is true; it's so painful.

Puts up with anything,
Gee isn't this so contrary to what our culture teaches! In my later teen and college years I heard everywhere, and to some degree was influenced by, the whole idea that as a woman I should not have to put up with men's crud. Amusingly here I am with a husband and 3 sons; 4 males in my life. Because they are human, there's a bunch of stuff that, being in relationship with them, I end up dealing with. But sometimes I still do get attitude - like, I don't have to put up with this stuff! But boy am I grateful that they put up with mine! And more grateful that God puts up with me, He doesn't give up on me and say - enough!

Trusts God always,
Interesting, to really love those in my life I must always trust God. That He is in Control and that He is working in those I love's lives, even when I do not see it. My trust should not be in if my loved ones are "good enough" but in that God is all powerful and trustworthy and He has put us in each others' lives. I fail here frequently; especially in my relationship with my husband. I need to constantly remember this and not stray from it - this is where my focus NEEDS to be.

Always looks for the best,
This is one where I definitely fail. So often I'm looking at the faults of those I love instead of looking for the best.

Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end
Too often I've looked at how people have messed up and hold it against them; look back at that instead of looking forward and keeping working on the relationship.

Love never dies.
God does keep the flame of love for my husband alive in me. But I can do more to fan the flames embers so that it blazes daily. Looking for the best in each of them is one way to do that.

Oh Father I'm still here aware of my short comings. I thank You that Your word gives me a standard and shows me what love is. Thank You that You love me. Please help me in my many weaknesses. Help me be willing to hear the truth about myself from those I love and to have a gracious and open attitude when they are telling me negative things about myself. Help me to live daily with an awareness of all You continually put up with from me and help me extend that same grace attitude toward those in my life. Oh Lord, help me keep my focus where it belongs, on You. May I trust in You and always keep at the forefront of my mind. Help me remain committed to always looking for the best in my husband and sons. Please Holy Spirit enable me to do this daily and be a source of encouragement to them. Father empower me to be able to not look back and be a past bringer upper but to look forward and encourage those I love. Thank You Father. Please work Your love in me so that those I love can see You in me.

Love

Since tomorrow is Valentine's day, I'm thinking on Love. So I turned to that definitive definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13; here's most of verse 3 through 7 and the beginning of verse 8 from The Message version:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies

I adore these words! Even had them in my marriage ceremony.

I want to take some time over the next couple of days, kind of to prepare my heart for the Valentine's celebration, to use this as the standard against which I want to take a self inventory (I'm only looking at this in terms of my love for my husband and my love for my sons):

Love never gives up
So often I feel like it. Perhaps I do in little ways sometimes, but basically I hang in there. I am committed to those I love and do not walk out on them. I have it established in my mind that it's a forever thing.

Love cares more for others than for self.
I fail here terribly. I want things my way so frequently. I have controlling tendencies that create conflict in my relationships occasionally. I want my comfort and ease. Oh it's not always conscious, but when I lay open my heart and examine it at any moment in time, I'll see that I've been acting in self interest frequently.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
A big failing point. Not in terms of material things but in my relationship with those I love. I want my middle son to be less into computers and more into relationships; I want him to seem to think higher of me and respect me. I want my husband to want to spend time with me more and to be more eloquent and romantic like he was when we were dating. The word shows me that love chooses to love people as they are; not wish them different. I don't think that means to deny the existence of my desires but I'm guessing it's more about where my focus is and about being grateful for what I do have, thinking on all the good about those I'm blessed with.

Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
I'm certainly not aware of having issues with thinking I'm so great and being conceited. However, I'm laughing as I'm writing this because a line from a weird Al Yankovitch song comes to mind; the song is set to the melody of "Gangsters Paradise" and is an Amish man singing about his life and says - "I'm more humble than thou art". Do I have that attitude sometimes with my sons and husband - that I'm better than they are in some specific way?! Unfortunately I must confess that sometimes I do.

Doesn't force itself on others,
Wow isn't God smart?! It may at first glance appear like - who would do that - but it's not. How often do I want my husband to want me more than all the other interests he has - time with his adult children, grandchildren, enjoying sports spectator events, skiing, time out in Yosemite. How often do I begrudge him the small amount of free time that we have that he chooses to invest in these things instead of me. I do that. The word is showing me that this is not how love acts. I'm thinking this indicates that love steps back and let's the person choose what they want. Isn't that how God loves me? The bible, much to my total amazement, indicates that He loves me and desires to spend time with me. But He gives me the choice to spend it with Him or in a million other, sometimes good and worthy, pursuits. God doesn't nag me, hound me or hunt me down. He is there when I come to Him.

Isn't always "me first,"
Now isn't this another interesting one. How often have I had thoughts in my head in my relationship with my husband that if he would just understand how I'm feeling and give in to me on something that then I will go the extra mile for him. But God says it's not that way. I'm to look for how I can give to him first (weather he ever gives to me or not). The bible teaches in general that my role is to obey God and leave results to him. How applicable is that in this context!

Doesn't fly off the handle,
Lately I've seen this in myself; I don't know if I've always been this way and just never realized it or if I've just gotten into it lately. But, either way, I've noted that I sometimes will fly off the handle at those I love. Real love would have the self control to be patient.

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
This is my worst area. I'm a total data keeper in general in life; and while that may have it's useful arenas, relationships is not one of them. It's not wholesome, healthy or loving the way I keep track of the offenses of others. I need to let things go. If others need to become aware of their negative patterns; God is more than able to do that between Him and them. IF, on some rare occasion, He does want me to speak to them, He will not need me to trot out a 3 page list of dates and offenses - He can give me the words necessary.

Oh wow; I've gone through half of the definition and am doing terrible! I'm so more than grateful for the mercy of God. For His grace and His Holy Spirit within me.

Father I come to you right now and ask forgiveness. You have loved me so totally and I am such a failure at loving those You've graciously put in my life. Father, the truth is I don't have it in me, in and of myself, to love my husband and sons the way You want me to. I thank You for Your forgiveness. Oh Father, by Your power, change me. Help me cooperate with You in the process of You developing Your love in me. Holy Spirit enlighten me to be aware when I'm fighting against Your work in me. Father may I never give up on my husband or sons just as You never give up on me. Oh Father, please change my heart to love my husband and sons more than I love myself. Give me an awareness each day, as things come up in life, how I can by Your power love them more than me. Father, please grow contentment in my heart for exactly who each of my sons is and who my husband is; help me see them as You do and not try to change them. Help me celebrate who they are and appreciate them. May Your love through me help them even see good in themselves instead of believe the lies the enemy may be telling them. Father help me not act self righteous and better than those in my life; Holy Spirit please convict me when I'm about to do that so that I can refrain. Oh Father, may I be so right with You that I never force myself on others. Thank You that You actually want me. Please empower me to love in a healthy way that steps back. Oh Father, You are a giver and I thank you so much, words just aren't enough to thank You that You gave first to me and continue to. Thank You Father. Oh Father, work in my life that I would become a giver too that I would stop having that strong need to have my needs/thoughts understood first and then....make me generous like You in all areas. Father Your word says that part of the fruit of Your Spirit in me is self control - oh Lord, help me submit to You. You know how weak I am (and I thank You for loving me anyway); strengthen me. Empower me to have self control and a life where I do not fly off the handle at those I love. Oh Lord, I choose right now to just throw away the scorecards on those I love. Help me not pick them up again. Father, thank You. Thank You for Your word that is so good and true and applicable and worthwhile! Thank You for Your grace and forgiveness. Thank You for putting Your Spirit within me and, through Him, Your supernatural power. Thank You so much!!!!!!!!!

John 4:31-42

There are always so many things you can focus on in any passage. What hits me in this one is what is it that keeps Jesus going? In verses 34-35 of this passage Jesus says:

34-35Jesus said, "The food that keeps me going is that I do the will of the One who sent me, finishing the work he started. As you look around right now, wouldn't you say that in about four months it will be time to harvest? Well, I'm telling you to open your eyes and take a good look at what's right in front of you. These Samaritan fields are ripe. It's harvest time!

I see this same theme in 1 John 2:16-17

Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.

Jesus drew His energy and zest for life from doing the will of God. As Christians we are to do the same thing. When I first read this passage in 1 John I think, oh this isn't a problem for me I'm not materialistic, but then I read on to the definition of everything that goes on in the world:
wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important and I see myself. Yep, not a day passes that I don't want things my own way. In some way or another every week I hear my thoughts going to wanting to appear important. 1 John tells me that this isolates me from God - interesting that I struggle so frequently with feeling alone and disconnected with God. But 1 John goes on to say that: whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.

How do I know the will of God? Well He's given me His written word and that makes things rather clear. He also has written His laws on my conscience and given me the Holy Spirit to convict me. Frequently, when I foray into selfishness, there is a thought at the back of my mind of another way. Just too often I don't pursue that thought.

Oh Father, have mercy on me. I spend so much time pursing this world and I do, just like your word says here, want, want, want. Help me to drink of You and be satisfied. Help me today to be about doing Your will.

John 4: 1-28

I started out in the beginning of this new year wanting to have my times with God be more fresh, my faith to be more passionate. So I decided to go back to the basics, back to Jesus. Then I went to his famous "sermon on the mount" and spent some time there. Now I'm going to work my way through John, starting with the 4th chapter, and look at Jesus.

As I read the account of Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well I am drawn to Jesus. I've always liked this incident in His life. I like that He reached out to a person who was looked down on by society. I like that, although He knew her sins, He didn't put her down. He showed her truth.

One section of the passage in particular catches my attention, John 4:23-24, and it's there I'd like to focus today:

"It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."

My first thought is - I want to be the kind of person the Father is looking for! So I look to see how they are described: "simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship". OK....so is worship when we sing in church or at home? What's worship really about?

Webster's defines Worship this way:
1 chiefly British : a person of importance -- used as a title for various officials (as magistrates and some mayors)
2 : reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also : an act of expressing such reverence
3 : a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual
4 : extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem <worship of the dollar>

I like the 4th definition - extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to. I think God wants that. I want to be able to be like that toward God. But sometimes my world becomes, without conscious thought, all about me. Pleasing myself becomes the center of my focus naturally. Unless I consciously choose for it to be different - my focus naturally gravitates to me. And even when I try to put patterns into my life of reading God's word and thinking on Him; I still often, after walking away from those experiences, gravitate back to the me-ness way of life. But the encouragement of Ephesians 2:8-9 comes to my mind:
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
That very faith that made my salvation possible wasn't from myself - it was God's gift to me. We are instructed in Colossians 2: 6-7:
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
So I'm to live my daily life in that same way as I first received my salvation - by God's grace. Perhaps that same grace enable me to worship Him! Perhaps even as He gave me the faith to believe in Him, He gives me the ability to do that which is against my nature, to put Him above myself. To passionately adore and revere Him.

Oh Father, I thank You that You don't tire of me! I thank You that You want my good and continually supply my needs; be it faith to believe in You or the ability to live the life You've given me this day. Again my Lord, I throw myself on Your mercy and look to You for grace. Please enable me to even love You as I need to.

When I look for examples of worship in the bible the first one that comes to my mind is
1 Samuel 15:2-23; that account of when God told Saul to go attack the Amalekites (the oppressors of the Jews at that time) and totally destroy them. Saul and his men went and mostly did as told; they did keep some livestock. Then God spoke to the prophet Samuel and said that He was upset because Saul hadn't obeyed him and Samuel went and talked to Saul. Saul said that they'd obeyed God and that it was OK that they'd decided to keep the livestock because they were going to worship God by sacrificing some of them to God. Samuel's reply to Saul is the famous one:

22 But Samuel replied:
"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the LORD,
he has rejected you as king."

I gain insight from the way it's translated in The Message version:
22-23 Then Samuel said,
Do you think all God wants are sacrifices—
empty rituals just for show?
He wants you to listen to him!
Plain listening is the thing,
not staging a lavish religious production.
Not doing what God tells you
is far worse than fooling around in the occult.
Getting self-important around God
is far worse than making deals with your dead ancestors.
Because you said No to God's command,
he says No to your kingship.

I think it's safe to say that worship is linked to obedience. I've already decided the only way to be able to do any of this is by the same gifting of God that He had to extend when He gave me the faith to come into initial relationship with Him. It's also interesting that Samuel points out the dangers of getting self important around God. Reminds me of Matthew 5:3 where it talks about you're blessed when you're at the end of your rope because there can be less of you and more of God. Hummm.....interesting out these same themes are repeated: God wants me (no, He doesn't want me to be like any other wonderful Christian - He just wants me to be myself. Even if I don't really know who that is yet), God wants me to realize I have NOTHING without Him, He wants my heart devotion to Him, He wants my life to follow my heart.

Oh Father, may today be Your day. In today may I be myself and may my life be worship to You.

Matthew 5:4-12

Matthew 5:4-12 (The Message)

4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

6"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

8"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

9"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

10"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

11-12"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

Over the past few weeks I've been thinking on, a bit at a time, these words of Jesus. I want to sum it up by looking at them all together.

The first thing that really hits home in my heart is that these words, this time I've spent thinking on them, pondering, considering parallel scriptures and what great classic commentators have to say, should have made more of a change in my heart and life. Instead, what I find is that I've become even more acutely aware of how short I fall. My heart especially aches when I see how tightly I hold onto my life; looking for what pleases me, being disgruntled when things don't go my way. When I know that I'm not in the least content with who I am. And to think that I could teach others how to cooperate instead of compete or fight when I can't even seem to sustain a peaceful relationship with my own husband lately?!

I'm reminded of some words written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his essays on Ethics, he talks of sometimes life is so difficult and confusing that all we can do is our best and then "throw ourselves on the mercy of Christ". This is where I arrive - at my need for His mercy and grace. An intense awareness that I am nothing without it.

Oh Jesus, I am so without worth. I thank you for your grace and mercy. I thank you that you died for someone like me. I thank you that you are all that is good and of value in this world. Oh Father, transform my life. May your spirit work within me to help me see, each day and every step along the way, how I should act. Enlighten me to see my flesh and when I'm following it. Empower me to those actions that are of You. Thank you Father. Thank you so much!

Mattehw 5:10

Matthew 5:10 (The Message)
You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

My first thought when I read this is that, as an American Christian, I don't really understand much about persecution. So I'll head straight to looking up parallel scriptures.

Parallel Scriptures

John 3:20
This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is

The thought here and apparently in Matthew 5:10 is that those who are not of God hate those who do love God. I remember that I had a friend growing up; Anne. Anne was my best friend 1st grade through 12th. Our sisters had been friends before us and I was so shy that my sister said to befriend Anne on the first day of school so I did and our friendship "stuck". Throughout the years we each had various other close friends but we remained the best of friends. I had the blessing of growing up in a Christian family; Anne's family had a religion but it was mostly just for holidays and wasn't about relationship. She came with me to various bible studies or other events throughout the years. When we graduated and went our separate ways to college I tried to stay in contact with her. I was so hurt because she seemed to shut me out and not want to stay friends. It wasn't until later that I realized the simple truth of what was going on; Anne, as most in college, was dating and having relationships and having sex was part of that. She knew, from those times we'd spent together, that the bible teaches that sex is a blessing from God for within marriage. Although I never confronted her or put her down, just my presence reminded her of something she didn't want to face; she just wanted to have fun and seeing me put a damper on it because I'd come to symbolize Christianity to her. The bible says that those who choose the prince of this world -Satan (although they are not always realizing that is who they are choosing since he comes as an angle of light) - do not want to be around those following God.


2 Chronicles 18:7
The king of Israel told Jehoshaphat, "As a matter of fact, there is another. But I hate him. He never preaches anything good to me, only doom, doom, doom—Micaiah son of Imlah."

"The king shouldn't talk about a prophet like that!" said Jehoshaphat.

Again we see that those who choose not to live God's way do not want to hear about it or think about it. They do not like those who follow Him.

Other people's thoughts

Jamieson, Faussett and Brown:
"But how, it may be asked, could such beautiful features of character provoke persecution?"
"the seven characters here described are all in the teeth of the spirit of the world, insomuch that such hearers of this discourse as breathed that spirit must have been startled, and had their whole system of thought and action rudely dashed. Poverty of spirit runs counter to the pride of men's heart; a pensive disposition, in the view of one's universal deficiencies before God, is ill relished by the callous, indifferent, laughing, self-satisfied world; a meek and quiet spirit, taking wrong, is regarded as pusillanimous, and rasps against the proud, resentful spirit of the world; that craving after spiritual blessings rebukes but too unpleasantly the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life; so does a merciful spirit the hard-heartedness of the world; purity of heart contrasts painfully with painted hypocrisy; and the peacemaker cannot easily be endured by the contentious, quarrelsome world. Thus does "righteousness" come to be "persecuted." But blessed are they who, in spite of this, dare to be righteous."

JFB makes a good point here; that such wonderful characteristics as those described in Matthew 5:4-10 would seem so good -why would anyone want to persecute these? But then he goes on to explain how counter to this world's way of doing business Jesus' words were. I especially like the last line above "but blessed are they who, in spite of this, dare to be righteousess" Oh that I may dare to be righteous! And what exactly will that look like today?

Wesley:
"For righteousness' sake - That is, because they have, or follow after, the righteousness here described. He that is truly a righteous man, he that mourns, and he that is pure in heart, yea, all that will live godly in Christ Jesus, shall suffer persecution, 2 Tim. iii, 12. The world will always say, Away with such fellows from the earth. They are made to reprove our thoughts. They are grievous to us even to behold. Their lives are not like other men's; their ways are of another fashion."

As I read John Wesley's words I think about a deep desire in my heart. The desire to be loved, accepted and approved of. I'm challenged that I must make sure to get this need met at the feet of Christ vrs looking for it in this world.