Love

Since tomorrow is Valentine's day, I'm thinking on Love. So I turned to that definitive definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13; here's most of verse 3 through 7 and the beginning of verse 8 from The Message version:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies

I adore these words! Even had them in my marriage ceremony.

I want to take some time over the next couple of days, kind of to prepare my heart for the Valentine's celebration, to use this as the standard against which I want to take a self inventory (I'm only looking at this in terms of my love for my husband and my love for my sons):

Love never gives up
So often I feel like it. Perhaps I do in little ways sometimes, but basically I hang in there. I am committed to those I love and do not walk out on them. I have it established in my mind that it's a forever thing.

Love cares more for others than for self.
I fail here terribly. I want things my way so frequently. I have controlling tendencies that create conflict in my relationships occasionally. I want my comfort and ease. Oh it's not always conscious, but when I lay open my heart and examine it at any moment in time, I'll see that I've been acting in self interest frequently.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
A big failing point. Not in terms of material things but in my relationship with those I love. I want my middle son to be less into computers and more into relationships; I want him to seem to think higher of me and respect me. I want my husband to want to spend time with me more and to be more eloquent and romantic like he was when we were dating. The word shows me that love chooses to love people as they are; not wish them different. I don't think that means to deny the existence of my desires but I'm guessing it's more about where my focus is and about being grateful for what I do have, thinking on all the good about those I'm blessed with.

Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
I'm certainly not aware of having issues with thinking I'm so great and being conceited. However, I'm laughing as I'm writing this because a line from a weird Al Yankovitch song comes to mind; the song is set to the melody of "Gangsters Paradise" and is an Amish man singing about his life and says - "I'm more humble than thou art". Do I have that attitude sometimes with my sons and husband - that I'm better than they are in some specific way?! Unfortunately I must confess that sometimes I do.

Doesn't force itself on others,
Wow isn't God smart?! It may at first glance appear like - who would do that - but it's not. How often do I want my husband to want me more than all the other interests he has - time with his adult children, grandchildren, enjoying sports spectator events, skiing, time out in Yosemite. How often do I begrudge him the small amount of free time that we have that he chooses to invest in these things instead of me. I do that. The word is showing me that this is not how love acts. I'm thinking this indicates that love steps back and let's the person choose what they want. Isn't that how God loves me? The bible, much to my total amazement, indicates that He loves me and desires to spend time with me. But He gives me the choice to spend it with Him or in a million other, sometimes good and worthy, pursuits. God doesn't nag me, hound me or hunt me down. He is there when I come to Him.

Isn't always "me first,"
Now isn't this another interesting one. How often have I had thoughts in my head in my relationship with my husband that if he would just understand how I'm feeling and give in to me on something that then I will go the extra mile for him. But God says it's not that way. I'm to look for how I can give to him first (weather he ever gives to me or not). The bible teaches in general that my role is to obey God and leave results to him. How applicable is that in this context!

Doesn't fly off the handle,
Lately I've seen this in myself; I don't know if I've always been this way and just never realized it or if I've just gotten into it lately. But, either way, I've noted that I sometimes will fly off the handle at those I love. Real love would have the self control to be patient.

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
This is my worst area. I'm a total data keeper in general in life; and while that may have it's useful arenas, relationships is not one of them. It's not wholesome, healthy or loving the way I keep track of the offenses of others. I need to let things go. If others need to become aware of their negative patterns; God is more than able to do that between Him and them. IF, on some rare occasion, He does want me to speak to them, He will not need me to trot out a 3 page list of dates and offenses - He can give me the words necessary.

Oh wow; I've gone through half of the definition and am doing terrible! I'm so more than grateful for the mercy of God. For His grace and His Holy Spirit within me.

Father I come to you right now and ask forgiveness. You have loved me so totally and I am such a failure at loving those You've graciously put in my life. Father, the truth is I don't have it in me, in and of myself, to love my husband and sons the way You want me to. I thank You for Your forgiveness. Oh Father, by Your power, change me. Help me cooperate with You in the process of You developing Your love in me. Holy Spirit enlighten me to be aware when I'm fighting against Your work in me. Father may I never give up on my husband or sons just as You never give up on me. Oh Father, please change my heart to love my husband and sons more than I love myself. Give me an awareness each day, as things come up in life, how I can by Your power love them more than me. Father, please grow contentment in my heart for exactly who each of my sons is and who my husband is; help me see them as You do and not try to change them. Help me celebrate who they are and appreciate them. May Your love through me help them even see good in themselves instead of believe the lies the enemy may be telling them. Father help me not act self righteous and better than those in my life; Holy Spirit please convict me when I'm about to do that so that I can refrain. Oh Father, may I be so right with You that I never force myself on others. Thank You that You actually want me. Please empower me to love in a healthy way that steps back. Oh Father, You are a giver and I thank you so much, words just aren't enough to thank You that You gave first to me and continue to. Thank You Father. Oh Father, work in my life that I would become a giver too that I would stop having that strong need to have my needs/thoughts understood first and then....make me generous like You in all areas. Father Your word says that part of the fruit of Your Spirit in me is self control - oh Lord, help me submit to You. You know how weak I am (and I thank You for loving me anyway); strengthen me. Empower me to have self control and a life where I do not fly off the handle at those I love. Oh Lord, I choose right now to just throw away the scorecards on those I love. Help me not pick them up again. Father, thank You. Thank You for Your word that is so good and true and applicable and worthwhile! Thank You for Your grace and forgiveness. Thank You for putting Your Spirit within me and, through Him, Your supernatural power. Thank You so much!!!!!!!!!