Selfishness

I want to root out the selfishness in my heart and life. Lately as I've been going through the word I've repeatedly been conscious of how selfish I am - it's like my world revolves around me! I don't want to stay this way. For today I wanted to think about what Jesus had to say about His followers having to give up everything to follow Him. I've come across a famous passage where He talks about taking up our cross and following Him a few times during these past few weeks and desire to meditate on it. So I'm looking at this passage where it's recorded in 3 of the gospels and I'm checking it out in 3 translations/paraphrases:

Matthew 16: 24-26 (The Message) Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for? Mark 8:34-37 (NIV) 34 Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? 37 Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? Luke 9:23-25 (NLT) 23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. 24 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 25 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?

For me these words of Jesus are so contrary to my culture and nature. I always want to be in the driver's seat. Even in everyday life with my husband I find that I want to be the one who drives. I'm a person who thinks about things and has a plan and likes to be in charge in a not in the spotlight kind of way. I know God made me who I am so this is not bad but I need to let Him in control over me. It's that old Campus Crusade for Christ things where there's the picture of the throne and they ask you if it's Jesus or you on the throne of your life.

Oh dear God, I want You to be in the driver's seat. I want You to be on the throne and in charge of my life. Or, if I'm really transparent with both myself and You - I want to want this to the very core of my being, not just in some part of my head. And I gotta admit Lord that I'm afraid to ask You to make me want You in charge of my life with my whole being 'cuz I'm afraid that awful things will happen in my life to make me so. But You know what; I want You and to love You and be committed to You more than I want to be comfortable - so I give myself to You. Oh please work in my life so I desire You above everything.

Then there's this bit about not running from suffering but embracing it - now isn't that a crazy idea! It's basically my instinct to avoid suffering of any kind. I hate pain. But over and over in the scriptures I see this concept that God uses suffering to change us into who He wants us to become. Here's some scriptures that come to mind on this topic of suffering being for our good:

• James 5:9-11

9Friends, don't complain about each other. A far greater complaint could be lodged against you, you know. The Judge is standing just around the corner.

10-11Take the old prophets as your mentors. They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honoring God. What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You've heard, of course, of Job's staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cares, cares right down to the last detail.

• 1 Peter 2:18-20

You who are servants, be good servants to your masters—not just to good masters, but also to bad ones. What counts is that you put up with it for God's sake when you're treated badly for no good reason. There's no particular virtue in accepting punishment that you well deserve. But if you're treated badly for good behavior and continue in spite of it to be a good servant, that is what counts with God.

• 2 Thessalonians 1:3-10

3-4You need to know, friends, that thanking God over and over for you is not only a pleasure; it's a must. We have to do it. Your faith is growing phenomenally; your love for each other is developing wonderfully. Why, it's only right that we give thanks. We're so proud of you; you're so steady and determined in your faith despite all the hard times that have come down on you. We tell everyone we meet in the churches all about you.

5-10All this trouble is a clear sign that God has decided to make you fit for the kingdom. You're suffering now, but justice is on the way. When the Master Jesus appears out of heaven in a blaze of fire with his strong angels, he'll even up the score by settling accounts with those who gave you such a bad time. His coming will be the break we've been waiting for. Those who refuse to know God and refuse to obey the Message will pay for what they've done. Eternal exile from the presence of the Master and his splendid power is their sentence. But on that very same day when he comes, he will be exalted by his followers and celebrated by all who believe—and all because you believed what we told you.

• 1 Peter 5:8-11

Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

• 1 Timothy 1:8-10

So don't be embarrassed to speak up for our Master or for me, his prisoner. Take your share of suffering for the Message along with the rest of us. We can only keep on going, after all, by the power of God, who first saved us and then called us to this holy work. We had nothing to do with it. It was all his idea, a gift prepared for us in Jesus long before we knew anything about it. But we know it now. Since the appearance of our Savior, nothing could be plainer: death defeated, life vindicated in a steady blaze of light, all through the work of Jesus.

These are just 5 passages, I could go on and on. It seems like hardship is a definite for sure - it will happen in our lives. Scripture indicates that sometimes it's because other people are not choosing to act as God would want, sometimes it's because Satan/his emissaries are attacking us, sometimes it's because this is just part of life on this planet. But the main thing I see is that suffering is not something that I am supposed to do everything in my power, live my life consumed with trying to avoid it. I also see a common theme that God uses suffering to make us into better people and that all suffering is only temporary. Of course this all sounds right and good until I, personally, am in pain.

Oh Father, work in my heart please and change me. Strengthen me, by Your grace give me the faith to trust You. Thank You so much for Your mercy and grace. Thank You for Your patience with someone like me.

Then there's this whole thing where Jesus says that we can get all the things we want for ourselves and then lose our true self. That there is nothing we could ever want that would be worth the cost of losing our soul. That self sacrifice is where it's really at - that self sacrifice is the pathway to find our true selves. So often I've seen this passage applied to eternal life and I believe that's a part of it but I also think Jesus was talking about present life. Somehow, in God's way of doing things, self sacrifice instead of seeking after stuff my way, helps me find my true self and experience peace and that sense of continuity.

Hummm.......I want to think more on this but I've got to get going for now. I think I'm going to write Matthew 16:24-26 out onto an index card and keep it in my purse for awhile to be able to think on it. I know that much more needs to change in my heart, mind and daily life.

Oh Thank You God for your word and Your goodness to me. Please continue to work in me and change me. Help me think on these things today and apply these concepts as situations come up.